Loosening the grip on what others think
We want people to think well of us. That's natural. But sometimes the wanting becomes a grip — a need for their approval to feel okay.
This practice uses the Three Marks of Existence — three observations from Buddhist psychology about the nature of experience. They are: impermanence (all experiences fade), non-self (there is no permanent self being built up or torn down), and inevitability (some suffering cannot be avoided).
Maybe you don't need to hold on so tightly to what others think. The glow of approval fades. "I'm worthy" is a passing feeling, not a permanent truth. And some disapproval is inevitable anyway.
Three truths. A few minutes. A lighter hold.
Where are you seeking approval?
Think of a situation where you'll be seen, evaluated, or judged. A presentation. A meeting. A social event. A post online. Where do you find yourself wanting others to think well of you?
What are you hoping to feel when they approve? Worthy? Safe? Enough? Respected? Seen?
The First Mark — All experiences fade
Remember a time you received the approval you wanted — praise, recognition, acceptance. How long did the glow last before it faded?
The Second Mark — No permanent self is being built or torn down
When they approve, "I'm worthy" arises. When they disapprove, "I'm not enough" arises. But these are passing events — not permanent truths about you. Can you recall feeling "not enough" that later passed? Where is that feeling now?
The Third Mark — Some suffering cannot be avoided
Is it possible to be liked by everyone? Some disapproval is inevitable — and some pain when it comes is inevitable too. Has anyone ever lived without criticism? What would it mean to accept this as part of being human?
Notice the wanting itself — the tension of needing their approval. That discomfort is there right now, before you know what they'll think. Where do you feel it?
Can you show up fully — contribute, connect, do your best — and let their judgment be whatever it will be? What would that feel like?
The glow of approval fades. The sting of disapproval fades too. Neither defines a permanent you — they're passing weather. And some disapproval is inevitable, for everyone.
You can still care. You can still show up fully. But knowing this, perhaps you can hold on a little less tightly to what they think.